As mentioned earlier, EK made it into the preschool I was hoping for next school year. She is so pumped, and I am so excited for her. She has been telling me that she wants a Cinderella back-pack and is going to put her pencils and chapstick in it. She also knows that she is going to paint, slide on the slide, and drive a car and truck. Preschool sounds so cool when she talks about it; can I go?
***Last night I was thinking about EK starting school. I am really excited for her, but the reality of her no longer being by “baby” set in. Sure it will be nice to have a break from having two little girls around me, asking me questions, wanting to help, playing and singing and dancing, chattering and questioning the world around her. But this is just the beginning of years to come filled with school schedules and a house of relative silence. I know EK needs to go to school; she needs more stimulation-intellectually, socially, and physically. However, being the selfish parent I am, I want to keep my precious oldest daughter with me, to drink in the time we have. I type this with tears in my eyes because I remember so vividly holding my tiny child in the wee hours of the morning and wondering if I will ever be able to get a good night’s rest again, was she ever going to be able to latch on correctly or feed herself, would she and I survive until that milestone. There are times I feel so guilty for those thoughts even though I know they are normal. I guess I am getting emotional about this event that is over 5 months away, because I feel like I am mourning the time we won’t have together anymore. I already miss her. I will have MK to dote my time upon and keep me company, but I know it will be all too soon before I start the “preschool process” for her too. I love how God is growing me to truly understand in head and heart that our children aren’t ours, but His, and that letting go is part of their growing up and mine.